You’ve heard the phrase, “50% of marriages end in divorce.” But what about military marriages? It’s hard to spend time on military spouse pages without seeing someone asking about divorce. The topic feels ever-present in military life. Do military couples make it through the challenges of PCS moves, deployments, uncertainty, and rebuilding life every few years, or are they destined for the same outcome?
According to two military couples who have been married for more than twenty years, divorce in the military is not inevitable. In fact, they say military life can strengthen a marriage — after making it much harder first.
Dual-military couple SMSgt Colin Crandall (Ret.) and MSgt Sherri Crandall (Ret.) shared their experiences and why they believe some military marriages struggle while others endure. Tonya Menuey, married to Brig Gen. Christopher Menuey, also spoke candidly about the realities of sustaining a long-term military marriage.
“Working through it sometimes meant healthy discussions and sometimes anger and tears,” Tonya said. “It is never easy to put each other before ourselves, but that is what we tried to do then and continue to strive to do today.”
Both couples entered marriage with different expectations. Tonya explained that before meeting her husband, she never imagined leaving Iowa or raising a family far from home. “I believed our love would be enough to sustain us through anything,” she said. “I certainly did not understand what the military would ask of us over the course of his career.”
Colin came into his marriage with a different perspective after a previous marriage that lasted only eight months. “In Security Forces there was a running joke that you needed to be signed off in your OJT records as being divorced,” he said. With both he and Sherri serving, they worried about deployments, opposing schedules, and whether they would ever have a normal family life.
Those concerns became more real once children entered the picture. Sherri explained that parenting added another layer of stress. “Before, it was just the two of us. Then you add kids — illnesses, schools, moves, and maintaining relationships with family while trying to keep up with military careers. It’s not easy.”
When asked about the most difficult seasons of marriage, both couples were honest.
Tonya recalled a time when her children were young and her husband’s job required long hours, sometimes keeping him away until late at night. He even had to work on Mother’s Day. “I have a vivid memory of sitting on the floor with a child in each arm and all three of us crying,” she said. Finding a group of other mothers and occasionally hiring a sitter helped her regain balance. “I remember thinking, ‘I did not sign up to be a single parent.’”
For Colin and Sherri, one of the most challenging periods came in the weeks following September 11, 2001. Both were assigned to the 314th Security Forces Squadron at Little Rock Air Force Base while caring for their newborn son. Working opposite shifts with limited childcare options, they struggled to balance mission requirements with family responsibilities and faced the possibility of sending their infant away during a time of national fear and uncertainty.
Sheri and Colin Crandall wedding ceremony at home on February 26, 2001
“That moment was one of the heaviest of my career,” Colin said, “not because of the mission, but because I didn’t know how to protect my family and still serve it.”
Both couples agreed that military life adds pressure to an already challenging task: maintaining a marriage while raising a family. When asked how the military could better support marriages, Sherri emphasized education and honest expectations. “[Marriage] is more complicated than most think,” she said. “Being honest about the hardships couples will face and helping them know where to go for help would make a difference.”
Tonya believes community is one of the strongest factors in long-term success. “The more often couples can be in community, whether through a church, base connections, or friendships with other parents, the better support you have for the long haul,” she said. The challenge, she noted, is rebuilding that community at every new duty station.
Colin agreed that while resources are helpful, the foundation ultimately rests with the couple themselves. “Sometimes it will feel like the world is against you both,” he said. “But the beautiful thing is you have a partner to tackle life’s challenges. You have each other.”
According to Pew Research Center data, the overall divorce rate for active-duty service members is typically around 2.5%–3.0% per year, equating to roughly 15,000–20,000 military divorces annually across the active-duty force. While military life presents unique challenges, these couples say success comes not from avoiding hardship, but from learning how to face it together.
