It’s October. People everywhere are celebrating the changing of seasons, spooky costumes and candy. It is a time for warm sweaters, apple cider and pumpkins. However, for some, October also represents things less gleeful, as it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
October is a time of remembrance for those families who have suffered and endured through child losses due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and other conditions. On October 15th every year those who have been affected by these losses gather nation-wide to remember and lean on one another. This event, called “Wave of Light”, is organized by lighting a fire of remembrance in locations all over the globe. Although a bonfire was not permitted due to high winds on Minot AFB, one such Wave of Light still shone brightly.
Event Organizer Ansley Summerville explained the concept behind the event saying, “We join other families across the world by lighting a candle at 7pm. When everyone does this and leaves it lit for one hour in their time zone it creates a wave of light around the world. We do this in remembrance of all babies that lit up our lives for a short period of time and bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss.”
Ansley explained why this event was so important to her and her family saying, “My husband and I suffered two losses and endured a lot of infertility treatments. We also have many friends that have suffered miscarriages or a stillbirth. A lot of people suffer through tragedy in silence or are made to feel by doctors or other people that their loss wasn’t significant enough…Someday I may know someone that goes through something similar, and their story may help me understand better or be there for them in a way they may need. I want to be a part of erasing the stigma of shame and break the silence. I want to be part of a solution and help families learn to advocate for themselves and fight for better healthcare and mental health when it comes to pregnancy and infant loss.”
Ansley, along with Chaplain Joshua Albrecht, organized this event in 2023, and they found that it had a large impact on everyone that attended, but especially the men and the husbands in the group. “Men tend to be a bit more private, reserved or focused on taking care of their partners, so often they don’t take the same amount of time to grieve or process their own loss. I had several spouses let me know that my husband Robert Summerville [Technical Sergeant from the 5th Bomb Wing Safety] sharing a man’s perspective really impacted their husbands,” explained Ansley.
The nighttime Wave of Light on MAFB was commemorated near the bonfire pit area, which can be seen driving into the base on Missile Ave. Instead of a fire, the group utilized battery-powered twinkle-light candles in mason jars and the group even brought out personal heaters to warm the chilly autumn night. Warm cookies and a hot chocolate bar were served while fuzzy blankets completed the comfortable fall atmosphere. Ansley described the night as “beautiful and cozy.”
Ansley said she and her husband are willing and interested to host this event for the next year and hope they can inspire others to host similar events at military bases around the globe. “We want to create that safe space that they can lay down their busy lives and just feel and be cared for for just a few moments. I want others to know how common loss really is and that what they say and do in the moments after really can stay with that person forever. I hope people that have not experienced loss come to an event in the future to learn about how they can help or just be there for those that have.”
