“I’m not from around here. What should I know? What’s your favorite stuff in town? Tell me the secrets.” These sentences seem to roll off my tongue in a rapid fire fashion. For a person who never wanted to move, or start over—I’ve become something of an expert at being, “not from around here.”

Nearly a month ago, I packed up my sons and flew cross country from my precious Hotdish Land to New Mexico to join my husband on a short-term training assignment for his position with the National Guard. We spent a few days unpacking an adjusting, but I quickly became restless in our temporary lodging suite. If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a military spouse, it’s that life is more fun the quicker you find the fun stuff.

Let me put it another way. The sooner you can figure out what makes people want to call a place home, the sooner you can start experiencing the charm of a new place.

If you wait around for someone to pull you aside and tell you the goods, you may be waiting indefinitely.
If you try to figure it out on your own, you may be in for a lengthy process of trial and error.
Personally, I prefer cutting straight to the fun by taking a shortcut. The secret? Those magic words in the opening paragraph:
I’m not from around here.

Since arriving in New Mexico I’ve used those words, and the follow up questions countless times. At the library. At the zoo. In the gym. While checking out of the grocery store.

Anyone who looks like they are friendly enough for small talk, becomes my target.
On paper I may sound like a lunatic, aggressively asking unassuming locals for input. But in practice, it’s not that awkward. I promise.

When you lead in with the magic words, “I’m not from around here,” something really special starts to happen. People want to help. Sure, they may reply with, “There’s really nothing to do around here.” But if you pause, they’ll start to open up.
Most people like helping people. Even if a person doesn’t love where they are living, they can usually tell you a few good things to look in to. And sometimes the recommendations from a person who doesn’t like living in a place are pure gold—since they’ve often set up an impossibly high standard.

Although, I’m missing all things Hotdish, this experience is reminding me of what it’s like to be on the outside. I remember what it’s like to have no idea what’s available, or where to start looking. This is hard stuff. This takes time—and if you want to speed the process up, the only sure way is to put yourself out there and pry a bit, which takes a good dose of courage.
If you’re new to Hotdish Land, I want you to know that I get it. I know finding your way is hard. Moving to a place like Minot, can be especially difficult—since you may be going in with negative sentiments breathing down your back, or anxiety about sub-zero winters chilling your spine. If that’s you, please, please use the magic words. Tell us you’re “not from around here,” and watch this community open up for you. Ask us what we like, tell us what you’re looking for. If there’s one thing North Dakotans are good at, it’s small talk.

If you really need help breaking the ice, try this one, “Whoa, that wind is really something, isn’t it? Actually, I’m not from around here. Can you tell me…”

If you’ve been in Minot long enough to have your footing, let’s remember what it’s like to be new. Or imagine what it might be like to think the only attractions in town are the Dala Horse and the Air Museum. Think about your favorite things, so you’re ready to share them.

Helpful opinions and kindness can both be bottomless, there’s no need to be stingy with either.
We’ll be here another month, and I’m trying to make the most of our time. So I’ll keep those questions on repeat. And when I come home, I think I’ll be even more equipped to be a friend to those coming to Minot for the first time.

For more ways to inject positivity into your day, and take charge of your mindset, join me on Instagram (@amy_allender) or on Facebook (@amyallenderblog.)