Many of you may be familiar with the “Five Love Languages,” but over the years I’ve discovered that Hot Dishers have a love language all their own.

You can’t simply walk up to a Hot Disher and say, “I love you.” That is far too aggressive for gentle sort, for whom being passive is a highly prized part of culture.

No, in order to express affection, you’ll need to go a different route. If you’re like me—not from around here—you may need a few tips. Since Valentine’s Day is nearly here, I’ve come up with five ways to say, “I love you,” in Hot Dish Speak.

1. Say it in Dots.
   Locals love, and I mean L-O-V-E Dots Pretzels. Sure, they are delightfully delicious. But I have a theory that Dots taste especially good around here because North Dakota had them “first.” It’s rare for NoDaks to get in on the ground floor of a national craze, and Dots may be our only chance for a long time.
   Buying a local all the available flavors of Dots will say, “I love you” in a way mere words cannot express. Bonus love points if you budget a little time to allow them to reminisce about how Dots started as a Pride of Dakota brand. Then nod and mimic their demeanor when they express their opinion about the company’s recent sale to Hershey.
2. Say it in your goodbye.
   Next time you are at a local’s home, budget at minimum 10 extra minutes for a “proper” goodbye. Here’s how you do it. Slap you knee a bit early, and declare, “Whelp, I guess I better get going.” Put your boots and coat on, stand next to the door, and thank them again for the good time. Then, ask a question that opens up a brand-new topic of conversation.
   For a local, this is the perfect time to start discussing something serious or sensitive that they’ve been wanting to chat about, but have been too passive to bring it up without knowing there is a time limit to the conversation. A nice, long Midwestern-goodbye illustrates just how much you like spending time with this person—so much you hate to go. So much, you’ll stand–sweating, in full outdoor gear just to get a few more minutes together.
3. Say it in ice-melt and snow removal.
   Around here, there is no greater show of affection and appreciation than unprompted, snow and ice removal. You can drop off a bag of ice-melt to a friend, shovel or snow blow more than your fair share of the sidewalk, or do the back-breaking work of chopping up ice that has accumulated from snow thawing and refreezing. These gestures don’t just say, “I love you.” A local will hear, “I love you so much I don’t want you to trip and break your leg on these steps. I appreciate you so much I’ll stay outside in the windchill an extra hour. I value you so much I’ll use the gas in my snow blower, so you can save yours for the next big snow.”
4. Say it in comfort food.
   Locals will feel seen, heard, and appreciated if you try to enjoy/understand their niche comfort foods. How does one get to the heart through the stomach in Hot Dish Land? A hot dish, of course! Go with the classic—Tater Tot Hot Dish. Don’t you dare call it a casserole. Don’t you dare use anything other than cream of mushroom.
   Want to be even more surprising and awesome? Watch a YouTube video and whip up some rommegrot. Pronounce it right, and pretend to like it. Nod enthusiastically when they ask if you think it tastes “just like Cinnabon.” That’s all part of the gesture on this one.
   Not a cook? No problem. Buy someone frozen lefse, a bag of tater tots, a case of cream of mushroom soup, a container of frozen kneophla. Any of these techniques will be heard as, “I love you so much, I’ll hype all the heavy cream and potato-based foods you love so much.”
5. Say it in savings.
   A local friend told me, “…there’s something about taking time to find a bargain that is a love language for NoDaks.” Buying a fancy gift to demonstrate that you appreciate someone, “this many dollars worth,” just won’t do. The grander gesture around here is to give a gift, then wait giddily to declare, “…and I found it on sale!”
   Double up on the heft of your sentiment by getting a deal. Buy those Dots on sale. Come prepared with an anecdote about getting tater tots on clearance. Brag about a coupon for sidewalk salt. This all spells love in the Great White North.
   
6. Jokes aside, a great way to tell a Hot Disher you care is simply to appreciate them, and where they’re from. Instead of complaining about the cold, tell them you notice how hard this community works to create an enjoyable experience for residents—especially those who find themselves here without choice. Sometimes, “I see why people like calling Minot home,” says it all.

For more stories of positive perspective and life in Minot, and small things that make a big impact on mental health and mindset, join me on Facebook (@amyallenderblog) and Instagram (@amy_allender).